He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
