Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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