do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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