I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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