now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Randomize
