I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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