Your mouth is God's brothel.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
