i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
