she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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