what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
