I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
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