Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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