just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
