I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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