My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
