just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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