Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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