Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
