everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
