Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He has the fingertips of a God
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
