I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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