Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
