Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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