he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
