i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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