Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
