The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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