He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
