i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
