I will die if light touches me.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize