My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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