i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
