So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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