I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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