Barsexuality is the new black.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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