just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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