Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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