he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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