I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
