If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
