The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My liver just had a heart attack.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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