moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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