I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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