Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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