uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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