I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
