the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
