so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
