I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
