How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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