My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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