Plan B is the new Plan A
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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