to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize