96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
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Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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