the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
