So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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