Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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