also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They took my balls.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
