He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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