i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
