There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
