i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
