First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
