Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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