oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
